he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
