I just pynch a tree in the face
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
