Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize