The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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