i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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