I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
