ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
