i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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