hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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