Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
