Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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