non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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