So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
