yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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