I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
