you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
