My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
