Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
