you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
