I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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