I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
did i walk over a car last night?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
