Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize