Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he fucked my hip out of place.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
