So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
