If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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