kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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