did you get engaged???
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
