i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
