so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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