How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
