I'm passing your future prison.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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