I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize