We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
