i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize