i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
