A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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