I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
did i just pee glitter
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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