I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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