Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
