I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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