Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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