I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
