you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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