How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
