We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize