Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
