I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
