I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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