saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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