i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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