exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
