Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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