New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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