if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
