we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
