im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
