I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
