she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
