Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Umm I'm too high to move.
she smelled like a LAN party
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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