I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
