dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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