Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
