just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
