Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
