Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
