Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
sex in a hospital.. check
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
