you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
