Whod you bang
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
