It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
